Purple Mommy

New Beginnings

2012-02-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

I have been so busy in my life that I've been neglecting my blog, when during this busy time I should have been posting more in my blog! I'm officially 20 credits away from finishing my degree, and after all I've been through these last 10 years I'm super excited about this! College has been easy for me but making time for it has been the challenging part. Dealing with my past, present, children, work and college is sometimes a hard juggling act. Thinking your life is going perfect and you've finally found the stability and love you've longed for and then having it all crash down around you is a rough feeling as well.

This last week has literally turned my world upside down. I discovered that someone very close to me was living almost a double life, full of sin. This friend of mine has made empty promises in the years that I have known them, and had me believing these promises. I can honestly say that if I would have just stuck with my gut feelings these sins would have already been brought to life, just not as severely as they were a few days ago. Some people may think that I'm over-reacting. I keep hearing the same thing from everyone I've talked to, that they're sure this friend wouldn't have "acted" on the sins that I discovered. The problem is that I feel a thought is an action and if you think it then you have already acted on it, regardless of your definition. It's even harder when you've made life changes to go along with these lies, to support this friend in their life decisions, only to realize everything you've done was in vain.

Everyone in my life considers me a strong woman, quite a few people even mention how they wish they could be as strong as me. I don't quite understand it because there have been so many days where I feel like I'm going to self-destruct. I've been lied to by so many friends, boyfriends, etc that I am surprised I can even trust anyone. My family has never lied to me, they've withheld the truth but when questioned have come out with the entire truth. I think having a family that is like that has helped me get through each case of deception and lies in my life. I know that I have to be strong for my children, the last thing I want is for my two young daughters to think weakness is a trait that women should have.

My family is about to deal with our second deployment of my husband since I've been out of the Army. This deployment is going to be a trying one...it will be my first with three little ones to look after as well as finishing up my Bachelor's Degree and preparing for Law School when he gets back. It will also be the first deployment that I will have my own Direct Sales business that is thriving and our house to take care of. It will be another test in our lives but I know it's just a test I have to pass and show that I can handle all that life throws at me.

Halloween Activities!

2011-11-02T17:34:00.000-07:00

The Oldest Entranced....

So for my birthday I decided to take all three of my kids (5 months, 19 months & 6 years) to hibachi all by myself! I figured I'd just wing it & see what happened! Well, my 5 month old wanted to be held most of the time, which wasn't too bad. My 19 month old decided she wanted to eat ALL of our little salads they gave us. We're seriously starting to think she's a vegetarian! She used to eat meats but as she gets older she doesn't like them. She'd rather eat salads than anything else! She LOVES tomatoes the most. But anyway, she ate all of our salads! Once the show started the two oldest found it amazing. They were glued to the cook until he was done. The only part that got my two youngest was when he lit stuff on fire. They weren't crazy about that heat. The kids were great though, very well behaved and it was definitely a fun birthday dinner! Our table mates were equally as fun & I didn't feel like I was dining alone.

My Gift Baskets (Wrapped Ones)

My actual birthday was filled with dropping off baked goods for a bake sale, that I baked all day Thursday, and the bake sale was so successful we made $800, and a Trunk or Treat! This money is going towards a safe house for women freed from the sex trade industry. I love being a part of such an amazing project. To top it off they also got ALL of the furniture (except for a big dining room table) donated by Feldkamp's Furniture Mart in Manhattan, KS. This was amazing because we thought we'd be doing fundraiser after fundraiser to afford it all!! Anyway, after I dropped off the baked goods I went with the kids to a Trunk or Treat at my husband's unit. It was very well organized & people were very glad I donated two gift baskets to be raffled off! They also loved our trunk decoration.

Our Trunk!

Our trunk....man, our trunk. My friend & I decided to try & decorate with a 5 month old, 15 month old, 19 month old & 6 year old running around. After struggling for about an hour we realized one of us should run after kids & the other should decorate! This worked out great & people loved our trunk :) Lesson learned though, maybe a few pieces of garland & a bucket of candy would have worked better with so many kiddos!

Saturday was a down day...I decided to hang out with the kids & fill love buckets! We snuggled, played, watched a movie, ate whatever they wanted & napped together. It was such a needed break from the chaos of our lives! Sunday was filled with church & a Tastefully Simple party. I had a great time though & I'm happy to be a part of my church & a part of TS.

The kids (Peanut, Elephant & Firefighter) at the Mall!

Our actual Halloween involved indoor trick-or-treating to two places nearby, the mall and our church. This is when my PTSD kicked in. The mall got crowded quick and by the time we got to the church you could barely move! I know my husband would have been going crazy...running outside to get away from all of the people. Crowds are scary. I went from trusting almost everyone I know to questioning everyone I meet. It's very scary when a group of people are in one place, especially when you've witnessed that place practically disappearing from an attack. The kids do help keep me grounded and Halloween wasn't overly stressful. The kids did wonderful & I was so proud of my son's lego collection at the church.

Hunter with his Lego Collection (Most of it)

My husband comes back from San Antonio on his birthday, Friday. He won't get home until the kids are asleep but he's super excited to be able to wake them up on Saturday!! He is such a great man & even though he'll be exhausted from driving all day/night on Friday he wants to wake them up. He loves them & they love him even more! Our 19 month old asks for him constantly & she's starting to wake up in the middle of the night for a 5-10 min cuddle session. I really think she misses her Daddy & it makes me feel good. Our son didn't have a real Daddy until he was 4 so this is something new I'm witnessing. I don't mind cuddling with her because she misses Daddy, I think it's good for both of us.

Birthday Week

2011-10-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

So we are down to less than TWO weeks until Dad comes back from Advanced Leader's Course (ALC). It's so exciting to know he will finally be back here! I have been working from 6am-12am each day JUST to keep up with things! Between sick kids, their school, my school, house upkeep, etc my October has flown by! Today through to Thursday are relaxing days...all I have to do is bake some goodies for a Bake Sale to sponsor a safe house for ladies saved from the sex trade. Oh yeah, and of course help my son build his Lego collection all back up so he can display it at our church on Monday!

Our daughter is 18 months old now and when our oldest was that age I was preparing for a deployment so I wasn't giving him my full attention. I'm realizing while watching our 18 month old how much I missed because I was working. She's learning a new word a day and putting sentences together! I was so preoccupied with work that when our son was 15-24 months it just seemed like he could talk one day! It does make me feel guilty, I've been cuddling with him and giving him more attention than I have been...just so he knows we really do love him!

My Main Man!

My husband will call, Skype, and text with the kids daily and our 18 month old is seriously excited when those calls or texts come through! She yells "HELLO" and "BYEBYE" at the phone constantly hoping it is her Daddy! The kids are all handling this month really well, which reassures me that during his deployment next year they will all be okay. I make sure that while they are awake we have family time, so that I'm not neglecting them because I really need to do the dishes! That seems to be working, the only issue I've really seen is that our 18 month old NEEDS to see me or she starts crying. She does eventually stop crying, like at church or at MOPS. I think she just wants to make sure we both aren't leaving, or it may just be a stage of life!

Our youngest is almost 5 months old already!! I started giving her real food this week, which is my own concoction of baby food. I don't understand why people by the prepackaged foods when it is seriously so easy to make your own! I have a 3-tier steamer, they're like $30-40 online or at Walmart, and I steam the three fruits, veggies or meats all at the same time! It's super easy that way because then I can take each shelf-ful and puree them as I go. Last night I made 42 ounces of baby food to freeze for just under $2.00. My son even loves to help put the food in the blender to chop it up! It takes less than an hour on a Sunday & she has food for the next 1-2 weeks. She is such a well mannered baby girl and we are so blessed to have our three wonderful kids!

Baby Girl Waiting For Her Dinner!

So since our daughter is 5 months old & our middle daughter is 18 months old I didn't quite lose all of the baby weight before #3! Well, I've been making sure I go running at least three times a week, I do Jari Love's DVD workouts & I also have started practicing portion control. Let's face it, I love food & there are nights where I have to eat the mac & cheese I made for the kids because I'm in a hurry & by the time I get to make myself my own dinner it's 8-9pm. Fugettaboutit! I've been following this schedule for 2 weeks now and I've lost 8 pounds & have gone down one size in pants! So exciting!

On a sad/happy note I've been weaning our youngest off of breast milk this week. I know, it's way early but my husband & I won a getaway for Veterans to a B&B in Kansas and we want to be able to have just us time. It'll be our first overnight getaway without any of the kids since our honeymoon! She is hating me right now!! I think it's harder to wean her off of me because it's just us at the house & she knows that I have the goods as I feed her a bottle. I'm still BF her every morning & night & hopefully that can continue even during our getaway. I don't feel like pumping or being in pain for our getaway though so we shall see! She's such a sweetheart though & I think she understands that Mommy is tired & needs some adult time.

So Friday is my birthday and I was going to go out with my girlfriends for a fun ladies night. Well...I volunteered to help my husband's unit with their "Trunk or Treat" and go figure, they had to reschedule it to my BIRTHDAY! I'm not one to cancel on a volunteer job, especially when I didn't have any real plans made for my birthday. My husband told me that he's going to send me to the spa for a day to relax & be by myself when he gets back so I think that's better than a girl's night out! It is now nap time...best time of the day! All three kids are sleeping, and so is this Mommy!

Back to being a "Single Mom"

2011-10-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

My husband left on October 2nd to go to school a couple of states away. For an ENTIRE month! To me this is a taste-test of what my life will be like when he deploys in a few months and it's not a welcome taste-test! I know he has to do these things though, since I can honestly say I've been there, done that! Our kids are currently 6, 18 months & 4 months old. It's been almost 2 weeks now & it hasn't been too bad. I honestly thought it'd be way worse. The hardest part was when our 1 1/2 year old got sick for a few days and I had to take constant care of her, while giving the others as much attention as possible.

My poor sick baby :(

A big mistake that I'm learning is that I filled up my October calendar to the brim with things to do, thinking that it'd be great to pass the time! I didn't consider the fact that I'd be exhausted doing 100% of the parenting 100% of the time. Each week I have at least one taste-testing party for my TS business, I have school events for my son, and various appointments. We also have church activities, MOPS, and attempting to keep up with friends! I seriously did not realize the physical toll all of this would take on me. I know he's not in a war zone right now, so I don't have that added stress. I've been making myself exercise at least 5 times a week to finish losing all of my baby weight but geesh it's rough!

The girls after one of our runs :)

The first week he was gone I lost 5 pounds mainly from not eating. I kept putting the kids before myself and ended up realizing at 5pm that I didn't eat all day! My son had football & Taekwondo five nights a week, which made it nearly impossible to cook great, healthy dinners. I had to cook them during the day, refrigerate and then reheat. Shockingly the kids didn't mind & actually liked the meals that I made them & reheated more than they would have liked fast food! Another lesson learned! I also came across a bunch of coupons for Gerber items this month & for my grocery trip (I do one big one a month) I decided to go ahead & buy our 1 1/2 year old some since they were so cheap. Whelp, that was money wasted! She has always eaten my homemade baby food, which at around 7-8 months was changed into whatever we were eating for dinner mashed just for her! She took one taste of the Gerber meal & threw it down for the dog to eat. She wanted my chicken & tomato salad instead! Glad I made extra :)

My yummy chicken salad!

This is the first time my husband has been away from the kids for this long, so this time apart is equally as hard. To top it off he gets weekends off but it's too expensive & time consuming for him to drive home to visit with us (at least 15 hours) so he just sits around the hotel room. Just 3 more weeks & he's back home with us :) I know his pain because I had to leave our oldest with my parents for a month when I went to NTC (National Training Center) in California. When you're there you pretty much have to give up your phones for a 1-2 week stretch where you can't talk to anyone back home. This meant that my parents literally had EVERY say in what happened with my son. You know how horrible that feeling is, as a parent?? My husband gets to talk to us right now on Skype & our phones & I send him daily pictures of the kids & myself, so he sees how we all are. I also make sure I tell him about EVERYTHING the kids do, no matter how insignificant it may be. He loves being a part of our daily lives, even so far away.

Well, until my next post....Happy Fall!

Changes in my Life

2011-10-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying to get back into blogging, since I took a well needed break. I just had our third baby in June and during that same week I started my final two semesters of college to finish my Bachelor's Degree! Nothing like your baby coming a couple of weeks early when you're thinking you'll be well into the swing of classes before she comes! Anyway, it all worked out fine and I'm now in a nice routine with all three of our kids and my husband's work schedule.

I decided to pick back up my direct sales job and start throwing parties with friends and making some extra money on the side. See, going from working constantly to staying at home with the kids I feel like I always need to do more. I honestly feel lazy and start to get depressed if I am just caring for my children. I guess that's something that I started to feel because I was a single parent in the Army for so long. I remember I would work, sometimes until 2000-2100 at night (8-9pm) and then I'd come home to my nanny with my son & he'd already be fed & asleep. Those days were rough because when I woke him up to take him to the nanny's house I couldn't even tell him if I'd actually see him again that day.

Now, not many single parents in the military are as lucky as I was. I had my nanny who was actually someone else's nanny & they just let me borrow her a lot! I was stationed in Germany and it was great to have that support system, especially because my family wasn't around. When my husband & I were making the decision of either both of us staying in or one of us getting out we decided I'd be the best to get out because of the amount of schooling I have completed. You see, our parents all still work, as well as my brothers. They wouldn't be able to drop everything and watch our kids for us. My parents took care of our oldest during my second deployment, but I highly doubt they'd be willing to take care of more than one! Well, they'd be willing but it would add 10 years to them!

So now I'm going to college full time, being a stay-at-home mom, doing my direct sales business, and keeping our house in order! To top it all off my husband had to go to school for a month. Our youngest is now 4 months old and I am so relieved that she's at least sleeping through the night. It is rough though, trying to figure out how to carry around a 1 1/2 year old and an infant and accomplish anything! He's only been gone for a couple of days but it has been a good couple of days so far. Our babysitter has come in handy already! I just honestly wish I didn't have that need to keep doing things. I wish I could take people's advice and nap when they're napping, or have some me time once they fall asleep. Instead I'm cleaning, doing laundry, getting ready for tomorrow, every night. I'm sure many of you can relate, since we are women and I think that's just what we feel we need to do.

I know that I still have the feeling that I should be making more money to support the family and it wears on my husband. He feels as though he should be the one to be supporting the family 100% and that includes supporting me. I guess I have the same feeling as he does, that I need to be the primary breadwinner! We have been living in our house together for over a year now and we have finally figured out a system that works. I think once I get over the feeling of not wanting to depend on him we'll be just fine!

Deploying As A Parent

2011-03-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

So I've taken some time off of my blog, mainly because my last month consisted of painting our house and re-organizing...who wants to hear about that stuff? Anyway, I was checking out the news this morning, which I do quite a few times a day, and I caught this article on CNN :

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/03/07/military.families/index.html?hpt=Sbin

The article is about this Marine couple who chose to deploy and leave their 2 year old with their parents. My first deployment was before I had any children, so I was a prime candidate to go & just focus on my mission. I didn't realize at that time that I didn't have a stable husband and the deployment would be his breaking point and make any of his good qualities disappear.

My second deployment relates very closely to this couple's deployment. My son was 25 months old when we deployed for a full 15 month deployment as part of the Surge in Iraq. My parents were always my first choice to take him, and we made the appropriate arrangements for them to take care of my son. I can honestly say it was very difficult to leave him, but reassuring yourself that you're leaving your child with the people who raised you into who you are makes it a little easier. I knew that I didn't have to give them a parenting plan, or I'd have to change his entire lifestyle when I got him back. He knew them as Grammy and Pop-Pop, never as Mom or Dad.

There were no issues with him at my parent's house. He was your typical 2 year old child, sticking things in his nose, trying to sneak out of his room, etc. He would talk to me when he could, although it was usually just him holding the phone next to him & calling the phone Mommy. He knew that I was on the phone & just by having the phone next to him he felt connected. I made sure to spoil him, sending him gifts and cards that Grammy could give to him when the time was right.

While he was with my parents the community stepped in to support him. He was given a United Way scholarship for his preschool, which helped out drastically. He was also given a birthday party that was worth over $300 from a very friendly family that owned a place called Bouncing Off The Walls. They got the pizza place next door to even donate the pizza, and a local bakery to donate a cake! The church I went to in Yardley, PA even had plenty of babysitters all willing to step in and take him off of my parents hands if they needed that break! My brothers would step in as well, so there wasn't too much pressure on my parents to make sure they did EVERYTHING by themselves. All in all I'd say my son had it good!

This is the link to the video of my homecoming from Iraq :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtdM0VCI5do

When we got back from the deployment my parents were there waiting for me, with my son, and they right away left that next day. That was a smart decision because as soon as I took over discipline he would cry for Grammy or Pop-Pop, but that only lasted for a few weeks. We got settled down as a family of two and things went on as normal. I did notice as his 3's went on that he had horrible mood swings. Now, they could have been from his father's pre-disposition to psychological issues, because his father was a horrible sociopath, with other psychological issues that have never been diagnosed. My son ended up being cleared by a psychologist after a few months worth of therapy, including being told he didn't have ADD or ADHD. He was just trying to understand his emotions and was more vocal and angry about things than what I would consider normal.

My son is now 6 years old and in Kindergarten. His teacher says he's approaching the level of a child ready to graduate First Grade, so we're pretty proud of him! He has since learned how to control his emotions, and besides for a few outbursts is a very well behaved child. I don't think the deployment made him miss anything, he still loves me more than anything and has yet to be angry with me for leaving him. He and I still talk about when I was deployed and he says he was sad but then he was happy that I came back!

Nightmares

2011-02-07T17:19:00.000-08:00

So it's been a few days since I've posted on here, mainly because it's been a few nights since I've gotten a good night of sleep! My husband is one of those Soldiers who has PTSD and a TBI. It's horrible, mainly because he will wake up in the middle of the night re-living some experiences he's had in Iraq. He will start by yelling obscenities while sleeping, thinking that he's on the streets yelling at Iraqis to get down or they'll get shot. I hear those and I usually try to startle him awake. This can be scary because if you don't do it right then he thinks you're the enemy and I've heard horror stories of wives being accidentally mistaken as the enemy and their husbands going crazy. My husband hasn't given any signs of that, which I am thankful for.

The nightmares he's had lately just make him move around like crazy, no yelling, and with our new mattress I don't feel them as much. I only wake up now if he's awake from them, mainly because it involves him throwing the covers down and stomping to the bathroom! I don't mind, I know firsthand what he's been through. You see, I was an intelligence analyst in Iraq so I seriously know about every encounter he had with the enemy. I also like that I do know about his experiences and I know how to listen to his problems without trying to fix them.

He had a nightmare a few months ago that made me realize I seriously love him and we're perfect for each other. I was still partially asleep when I heard him yelling to "get down" and he started flailing around. I was still in my own dreams and felt myself subconsciously telling him "you're in your new house, you're in your own bed, I'm your wife" over and over and over again. He woke up, sat up and looked at me shocked. The next day we sat talking about it and he was glad that I did that. Apparently that's what he needed, and the nightmare was over.

We both have flashback episodes, mainly if we hear a car backfire a street over, or if we hear fireworks but don't see them. It's pretty rough sometimes. I can't handle hearing fireworks when I'm trying to fall asleep, and I'm sure it's because I got hit in the middle of sleeping. It's horrible, but we signed up for it and we're okay with that. We know this is one of the hardest professions to have and we both wouldn't have our lives any other way.

I've been lucky, I'm on my second pregnancy since coming back from my second deployment to Iraq and my mind gets affected by the hormones more than the deployments. It's fun because my dreams while pregnant aren't nightmares, just me wondering what's going on with the baby in my belly! I am 22 weeks now and this baby wants to make sure I know it's there. The dreams I have had lately have been about dressing our baby. Don't ask, I don't even try to decipher them! It is fun to tell my husband, I think he just thinks I'm crazy!

History of Jessi : Part IV

2011-02-03T17:58:00.000-08:00

This is the final chapter of my past, the rest will all be flashbacks on days where not much goes on!

I met my husband in 2006, a few months before my deployment I talked about. He & I were in the same unit but I didn't like him much. I found him to actually be annoying and distracting to the females in my shop, so I would get bothered by him showing up! Anyway, a few months after our deployment, in the summer of 2008, we had a class together. I realized during that class that he was an intelligent guy and wasn't too shabby looking either! I spent two weeks in the same classroom as him and I got to know him more. I realized then he may be a guy I would be interested in. I was single, he was single, so why not?

Well, as a female in the Army I wanted to make sure people saw me as a Staff Sergeant who ran my shop and not as a 'girlfriend'. I hid any and all feelings I had that he & I might be a match and just moved on. We were both friends on a social network site & I got a random Happy Birthday message from him in November of that year! It was odd because it was a week late and I didn't use that site much anymore. It was funny that he would care to say Happy Birthday to me, considering we weren't even really friends! We ended up talking and a week later went on our first date. That date was magical. It was to a place here, in Manhattan, KS, called Harry's. We still go to Harry's when we can afford to, to relive the magic that happens every time we walk in the door there. It's seriously our magic spot!

I ended up having to move to Arizona with the Army, even though I tried my hardest to stay in Kansas knowing he was the one for me. In April 2009 I left for Arizona with my son and it was heartbreaking. It was even harder because he was at school, so we didn't get to say an actual goodbye. I came back a month later to visit him and he proposed to me! We decided we were going to wait to get married until he had his R&R leave in 2010. Well, through talking with our families we pushed that date up to July 3, 2009! That gave us less than 2 months to plan our wedding! We pushed up our wedding date because we found out he was deploying in September 2009 and didn't want the Army to not see us as anything. Unless there was an actual marriage certificate the Army didn't see us as anything.

I got out of the Army in January 2010 due to schooling issues with our son. I was pregnant with our daughter at the same time, and we realized it may be better for our family if one of us wasn't in the Army. I was doing very well in the Army but he had less time left in until he retired, so I was the one who went forward and got out of the Army. I miss it sometimes, but I love my kids and would do anything for them. Well, our little wedding gift arrived in March 2010 and it was awesome! She is a wonderful addition to our family!

We have since bought a house and are now living our lives as a 'normal' family. My husband goes to work each day, I take our son to school, and then I stay home and take care of our daughter. We are expecting child #3 in June, so that should make things even more exciting in our family! This is my first pregnancy where I don't have to wear a uniform each day and let me tell you - it is sooooo nice! I can wear slippers if I want to, or just sneakers! I don't have to lace up combat boots & go to work for 8-12 hours a day! Taking care of a 10 month old isn't the most relaxing task, but when she's on a nice schedule your days are a lot more predictable and relaxing than in the Army.

History of Jessi : Part III

2011-01-30T08:26:00.000-08:00

I was deployed to Iraq in 2007 in support of OIF 07-08. We were one of the Surge units, so we were there for 15 months. It was a horrible deployment. It seemed as though we were ill prepared for what we got ourselves into and took us about 4-6 months of the deployment to get into the swing of things. We lost a lot of guys and went through a lot. It was great to have the support of Emerson Elementary School in Levittown, PA sending us package after package of very useful items! They always remembered to include cards and letters to raise our morale as well. Everyone was so excited when I got 15-20 packages from them because they knew I'd send those packages out to everyone.

The case they made to support us as you walk into the school

Emerson Supporters on my R&R

I can't say much of what I did there, but we were able to help save some lives and give Soldiers important information about their routes, which made quite a few guys very grateful. My husband happened to be one of these guys we gave route information to on a regular basis, even though I did not like him much! I was able to get promoted during this deployment, which was very exciting for me! I actually sent my family some money and had them all go out to dinner to celebrate my promotion with my son, who was 2 at the time.

I was part of an S2 shop, and the picture below shows my shop! I worked night shifts, so if it was a holiday I would stay up until lunch just so we could have our Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc, dinner together as a family. It was honestly worth the sleep deprivation. I enjoyed spending time with them and miss them all greatly! This, and my FOB yoga class, were great to get our minds off of the stresses of combat and being in Iraq.

This was how we had each holiday feast - as a shop/family!

We were all so excited to finally be in 2008, it meant the deployment was almost over and we could get on with our lives. They had moved us three times while we were deployed, from a crappy building called the T-building (that got mortared quite a bit), to pretty nice trailers with one roommate, to these huge tents with 20-40 people on them. We got incoming on a regular basis, so it was really nothing new to us. Well, the week we got the incoming that changed my life I wasn't myself already. I got a horrible cough and fever, only to find out I had walking pneumonia. I'd work my shift and do what I needed, then would go back to my tent and just pass out. I'd hear incoming alarms and I'd ignore them. Well, this fateful volley I did the same thing...but after around 6-7 hits I decided I'd finally get off of my cot & crouch down on the ground like they taught us. As I lay there all I could think of was going back to sleep, this was at my 2am & I was tired! I felt this burn on my leg and looked down only to realize that I was bleeding and my leg was swelling. I was so asleep still that I thought something flew off of a cot & hit me, not that a piece of shrapnel got me.

The piece of an 81mm mortar round

Once the incoming was finally over I yelled to the officer in the tent to let her know I was hit...I found the piece of metal lying next to me (an advantage of having thighs of steel!!) burning hot. I grabbed it & threw it into my water bottle & was able to get into a truck & go to the medics. Everyone was shocked to see me, I worked night shift so no one normally saw me during the days, and then I worked in the TOC and was considered one of the people who wouldn't get hurt! I didn't realize the severity of the situation until my friend, who was on deployment number 3, saw me and was very emotional. It was like I woke up. I finally realized that if I didn't catch that piece of shrapnel on the way down I could have very possibly been killed by it. I made sure I went back as soon as I could and wrote an email to my Mom to let her know I was okay.

See, this is what the military does when you get wounded in Iraq. They have someone who doesn't know your family or your exact injuries call your family to let them know about your "wounds sustained in Iraq". I emailed my family with pictures so they could see proof I was really okay, and they could show my now 3 year old that Mommy was okay! My Mom got the call a day after I got hit, so she was already updated on my exact condition. She emailed me as soon as she got it to let me know that they told her about my wounds and weren't able to verify that it was just one wound and I was okay. I heard about guys getting wounded and the calls to their families said they lost limbs, when they were just fine. I'm glad I sent that email, stopped a lot of chaos and madness that could have ensued.

My son wanted to kiss my booboo all better, which made me want to cry. I was glad to know he was taking it like I got a splinter on the playground, not that his Mommy could have died and he wouldn't have ever seen me again. It was rough realizing that where I slept was where I could take another hit like that and not be so lucky. Anyway, that experience made me realize the importance of everyone in my life, even those who like to criticize me every chance they get.

I will have one more History of Jessi blog post & then it will all be current information with various flashbacks on boring days to details of my life...so thanks for your support so far!

History of Jessi: Part II

2011-01-28T06:49:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you, becoming a single parent is rough. I became a single parent in one of the most difficult ways, where I had no choice but to figure things out quickly. My ex-husband left me 1 WEEK before my son was born, while we were both stationed in Germany. I didn't even have other coaches picked out or anything to help me. I called a few females I knew and I was so relieved to have two friends of mine there to help me through the birth of my son. I was contemplating adoption at that time, mainly because I was so unprepared to take care of my son on my own. I decided I'd figure things out and make it work, because he was MY son. Well, I only got 6 weeks off of work to get used to my new lifestyle as a single mother in a different country. It was rough but over the months I was able to jump all hurdles and reach my goals.

I was able to score above a 300 on my Physical Training (PT) test that I took 6 months after having my son. I was super excited, especially because that is one of those things that gives you such a feel good feeling you don't know what to do! Anyway, I was also able to run my own shop, which handled physical and personnel security, and make a name for myself. People would come to me with questions, and with not even three years in the Army that was a good thing! My son & I were given the opportunity to move back stateside, to Fort Riley, KS, with our division so I took it. We moved to Kansas in June 2006.

My new unit was rough. Everything was pretty much in place and I was thrown into a leadership position in a shop that already had everything figured out. I was able to make everything work out, but it took a lot of hard work. Within two months of getting to Fort Riley I was preparing to go to school for 2 1/2 weeks...I had to find someone to take my son for that time. Now, I had a field exercise that was around 3 weeks long around the time my son was one year old and I missed his first steps. You can imagine how rough this was to think I may miss something else that he accomplishes!

I got back from that 2 1/2 week school with no issues, but then within 2 weeks of coming back from there I had to go to the National Training Center for a month. I went to NTC after leaving my son with my parents, and was so relieved that my 23 month old son remembered me when I got back from NTC! He was so confused with his emotions he was crying and laughing at the same time.

I was able to celebrate Christmas at my parent's house that year, but the following February I was deployed to Iraq for a 15 month deployment.

History of Jessi : Part I

2011-01-25T19:13:00.000-08:00

So here I am, a stay at home mother of 2, soon to be 3, and I decided why not start a blog? I talk to other moms at the school, only to realize that I'm nothing like them. I talk to other military wives only to realize that I am also nothing like them. It's very frustrating to realize that you're one of a small minority of people who have been through what I've been through in my 27 years of life, and I don't have anyone who seems to understand me.

Now, don't get me wrong...I've been hard to understand nearly my entire life. My parents used to call me their independent daughter, always did my own thing and suffered whatever consequences I had to face. I grew up in a perfect American family, where my dad was a steel mill worker and until I was a teenager my mom was a stay-at-home mom who worked a few hours a week. My parents saved up enough to pay for myself and my two brothers to go to college, so I knew that's what was expected of me when I got out of high school.

I graduated high school and went off to college. See, I was such a goody-goody in high school that I realized all of the freedom I had at college and ended up with a 0.72 GPA for my first semester of college. I realized I had to step up my grades and ended up with a 3.2 GPA my second semester, but the damage had been done. I talked to a friend and decided on a whim to join the Army! I joined the Army & shipped off to basic training & advanced individual training and ended up getting married! Well, to make a long story short that marriage barely lasted a year, but I got my wonderful son Hunter from it.